Socialising in reception: Navigating the ups and downs of early friendships
Image: Primary school age boy wearing a cardboard aeroplane and an aviator hat, smiling, pretending to fly.
Disagreements, misunderstandings and big feelings are all part of growing up and learning how to get along. In this week’s blog, our expert facilitator Lisa McCleod offers practical advice to help you support your child through playground arguments, confusing tales from the classroom, and the everyday challenges of taking turns, sharing and building emotional resilience.
How should I deal with playground arguments?
Being friends does not always mean agreeing or getting along and arguments between friends are normal. Learning to avoid unnecessary conflict and also resolve and make up are useful skills as we learn to get along with people. Giving our children the words to use in certain scenarios will help. Practise using phrases such as “I don’t like it when you…” rather than “you are mean.” Talk about what makes a good friend, but also help them consider that we are all different.
How can I gently get to the truth if my child comes home from school with confusing or exaggerated stories?
You might never fully understand what has actually happened, as your child’s view may be distorted since their emotional intelligence and communication skills are only developing. Listen, reassure and empathise as it’s their perception after all and their opinion matters. It can be tricky to accept that young children often lie and when they do, it shows they are thinking about the concept of right and wrong. Even if they know that lying is ‘bad’, their desire to please you may be greater than their desire to be honest. Our goal is for our children to trust us enough to tell us the truth. If they are too scared of the consequences, they will think it is not worth being honest. It may take time for your child to come back and change their mind on the truth so give them some space and don’t badger, interrogate or judge too harshly to encourage trust. Try and make it a teachable moment and praise their honesty.
My child really finds it hard to share or take turns. What practical strategies can I use to help?
Modelling the behaviour that you want is crucial as it is so easy to let your child have their own way at home to avoid conflict. Try and play games involving turns, patience and self-control and don’t always let your child win or choose the activity. Remind them it’s Mum’s turn to go first today or Dad’s turn to decide. If your child is neurodivergent, clear language like ‘your turn’, ‘my turn’ and visual clues like markers or timers can help to ensure consistency and fairness. Let them see everyone taking turns and point out when it happens so that turn-taking is predictable and safe. Breaking down an activity into small manageable steps with a degree of predictability will also help to build this important skill.
What can I do to prepare my child emotionally for the challenges of a new environment?
If children are able to label emotions and subsequently recognise when and why they feel a particular way, it will help them to bounce back from any challenges and difficulties. They will still experience anger and sadness, but they will be able to cope. Practise guessing a whole range of emotions such as happy, sad, cross, calm, confused, excited or embarrassed by talking about different scenarios that you come across together in books or on the television so they recognise the emotion itself and the circumstances causing it.
If someone played too rough and another got hurt, think about how they feel and what could be done differently. Scaffold the behaviour you want to encourage. For example, if your child has a meltdown when asked to stop playing their favourite game, begin with an activity that they are not overly invested in so it is more do-able. There will be highs and lows, but you can help your child to recognise and talk about them if they can label how they are feeling and why.
What role can I play at home to build my child’s resilience and social confidence as they settle into reception?
To enable your child to navigate this tricky first year and do well despite any difficulties, we need to give them to give them the tools to adapt and cope and the words to use. We must help them to recognise when they can give things a go with your encouragement and support by setting small, manageable challenges, and practise together what they could say or do. Equally important is encouraging your child to recognise when they may need to ask for help. Listen carefully, assist them in expressing and recognising feelings and solving problems by talking. Create safe social opportunities for developing friendships and encourage and empathise when things get tough. Play lots of games with turns, rules and sharing to encourage co-operation and model the behaviour you want.
Reception class is the just the start of their school journey where your child learns to feel secure and adjust to those around them. You will not be alone as the school will work closely with you as partners; ultimately you know your child best of all. Do not be afraid to ask for help and discuss any concerns, since talking is usually the best solution. Most importantly, enjoy the adventure!
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