Building independence: letting your child go out alone for the first time
If your child has been asking to go out by themselves, it’s normal to feel worried and a little conflicted. On the one hand, you want them to have fun and gain some independence, and you know it will happen eventually! But is now the right time?
Are you ready?
How do you feel about letting your child go out? Do you think they’re ready? Always follow your gut instinct, since you know your child better than anyone. Do you think they’re old enough? Do you trust them? And do you believe they are responsible enough?
There is no legal age limit for a child to be out alone, but it’s against the law to leave them in an unsafe situation. Every child is different, so make sure your child is ready – just because their friends are allowed to, or you were at their age, doesn’t mean your child should.
If you have doubts, think about the kinds of behaviours you want to see first and talk it through with them. Be open about what you want them to know and make a plan, so they have something to work towards.
Still unsure? Take the NSPCC’s ‘Is my child ready to be home or out alone’ quiz.
Are they ready?
If you’re confident this is the right step to take, your child should know some basic information in case of an emergency, such as their full name and address. They should also know how to cross the road safely.
Prepare your child with some practical ways to stay safe. The number one priority is to make sure they can contact you. They should have access to a phone, your number, as well as a list of other trusted adults they can call if you’re unavailable or don’t pick up. They should know how and when to call 999, too.
Just in case…
Ask your child a few ‘what would you do’ questions to see if they can identify risky situations and know what to do. Don’t worry if they say something you don’t fully agree with. Instead, calmly correct them. Learning how to stay safe is the whole purpose of this conversation. Here are a few examples of what to ask:
- What would you do if you got lost or hurt?
- What would you do if a stranger talked to you and tried to take you somewhere?
- What would you do if someone you know tried to take you somewhere without your permission?
- What would you do if your friend tried to get you to do something you’re uncomfortable with?
- What would you do if another child was nasty or hurt you?
- What would you do if your phone battery died?
- What would you do if you felt unsafe while out?
- What would you do if you missed the bus or your ride didn’t show up on time?
Remind them that if something goes wrong, they can always call you and you’ll pick them up, and you won’t be angry. Mistakes happen, and they must know they can come to you no matter what.
What are the rules?
Give your child boundaries and clear expectations so they know what they can and can’t do while they’re out, and how they should behave. For example, you could tell them how far from home they’re allowed to go, how long they can stay out, and how many times they should check in with you. You should also remind them to be polite and courteous.
Going out alone is a huge demonstration of trust. If they do everything you ask, thank them and praise them. This will encourage them to be open and honest with you and follow your rules in the future.
What is the plan?
Make sure you have all the details of your child’s first outing:
- Where will they go?
- What will they do?
- Who will they be with?
- How will they get there?
- When will they leave home, and when will they be back?
Some children might find this intrusive, but reassure them that you do trust them.
Practice run
Doing a practice run is a great way to ease your mind and build your child’s confidence. This should be something you are both comfortable with.
Here are a few examples of practice runs:
- Let them take the lead on the next outing, and emphasise that you’ll only correct them if they do something that puts them at risk. This will build confidence before their first outing alone.
- Head to River Island, encourage them to browse independently and pick out a disco outfit to show you when you meet up again. You can wait outside the store for a specified amount of time.
- Let them run an errand for you. Give them a small amount of money and send them to a local store to buy bread and milk. This helps them practice handling money, interacting with store staff and navigating the area.
- Practise riding the bus or train together before allowing them to take a short, familiar route on their own, checking in with you when they arrive.
Once your child can accomplish these, it’s time to shop! River Island has provided us with a 15% off voucher with the code RI15PK when you spend £30 or more, so your child can have an independent shopping spree and buy themselves something to celebrate this huge milestone. Whether you’re waiting outside the shop or at home, don’t forget to reward yourself for getting to this stage as a parent.
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When your child heads to the shops, they can get 15% off at River Island with the code RI15PK when they spend £30 or more. Terms and conditions apply.
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